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Avoid the River

8/22/2015

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On the pilgrim trail east of the jade mine

The trees turn from oak to pine.

It's in the pine one can find the river's

Start.  The cold crystal shivers

On for miles,

Serpentine clear blue smiles,

One would never think to believe

The water won't relieve

Any thirst,

Slightest or worst.

Though many will casually claim

Not to know why, I won't do the same

As liars shying from recollections

Likely to cause gangrenous infections.

Years ago

In the fall before the snow

The starving world fed the gods

Children by the dozen.  The odds

They hoped to improve

Let them remove

Every ounce of guilt over

Drowning babies for four leaf clover --

Good luck on sale.

Does this price beat retail?

Of course, or no one would pay

One to three kids a day.

And don't scoff.

The river at them all, carried the bodies off,

And none starved all winter long.

Sprung out the other side strong.

Life went on,

Blessed by divinity, so on and so on,

But the river simply...

It's not just in our heads.

The river tastes like the dead.

It dries instead of drenches,

No thirst it ever quenches;

Water graves

Made of rippling waves

Sometimes conjuring faces

Striking as maces

Shattering bone at a glance

To the point none even chance

Glimpsing ghosts

In the watery host.

None hungry,

Yet everyone thirsty,

We avoid the river.

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Dear Ann

8/15/2015

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We here at Honesty Is Not Contagious recently began receiving letters and cassette tapes from notable author Charles Gint.  You might recall such Gint classics as The Wet Valley Killing Spree, A Lovely Afternoon Dying, and Go to Sleep So I Can Kill You.  Although we did not in any way request these materials, we still feel obligated to present them mainly due to repeated threats from Mr. Gint such as:  "I don't want to hurt you, but I will kill you with fire."

So without further adieu, we present Dear Ann along with this letter from Charles Gint, printed at his threat/request.

"Hello, I'm Charles Gint.  Thank you for joining me.  Today's venture into greatness is a short story entitled Dear Ann.  

"Inspired by the works of lesser greats like myself -- Joyce, Jonrosh, and Marenghi -- I've been a writer now some fifty years.  I started penning in the early seventies, and since then have blazed a trail through the world of literature that many have since followed.  The path I made is not a safe one, but at the end of it is glory, fame; there used to be fortune as well, however, that's easily lost and meaningless!  A fair warning.  Creepy, Halloween themed ice cream trucks are not a sound investment, nor are drug mules, domesticated squirrels, or children clothes made of asbestos, although one would imagine parents'd be inclined to keep their kids from burning alive, but I digress.  

"I've said enough, though I wish I could say more.  We'll chat again, soon I hope.  When the bottle is open, and the wine flows freely I'll be there because who passes up on an open bar?  Not me. 

"Sincerely, Charles Gint."



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Made of Porn, Alcohol, and Cigarettes...

8/5/2015

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Leaning against a wall, glance a sack made of Peking duck skin full of greasy leather bits.  The sack shuffles over zombie like to ask for a light.  Provide the lady a match burning to foreshadow the consequence of following up on her twenty dollar cover charge -- slip inside and enjoy the ride.  Not tonight madam, just catching my breath before pouring myself another block East.  Hope to catch the sun before the rise, and convince it to take the day off.  There's no need for tomorrow today.  She shrugs, "Do whatcha gotta..." -- cough, hack, spit blood, take a drag and finish the thought -- "Gotta feel right."  And away she goes, an ambulance creeping behind her expecting to be needed at any second.  The paramedics lick their lips in anticipation.  They've got trained eyes skilled enough to spot a goner.  Tonight they want to watch one die and know it wasn't their fault.  Going through the motions for this walking corpse will dull the ache of haunting losses:  six year old choked to ghost by asthma; the girl knocked off her longboard, head split open and spilt across LSD; that old man who caught a stray bullet -- pull the loose skin taut to see where he got shot back in Vietnam and lived; the scar right next to the wound that would kill him -- no longer bullet proof.  But there by the grace of god goes a sack covered in melanoma polka dots full of overcooked whiskey chicken stumbling on broken heels.  

Mutter to myself, "Nostalgie de la boue."

Then get one foot in front of the other.  Tonight it's easier than it used to be.  After all, there's somewhere to go.  Motor groaning, idle at a steady pace three feet closer to the end of the line.  

Stop in at the gas station for a quick laugh -- there's always time and a need for one.  Slide the credit card in, no receipt thank you very much; pull the nozzle free and select premium, of course, set the mechanism so it keeps pumping hands free; set the nozzle on the ground, light the book of matches on fire, toss them in the air; and run.  Tonight is going to be anything but casual.  

Still laughing, hair singed shorter, uneven but it'll grow back, sit down inside Delilah.  She's a big woman who can hold 120 people at once, every last one nestled in like a return to the womb, if the uterus served three dollar well drinks and blasted rock.  Odds are good someone grew a fetus in just such a tank. 

"What's got you so giggly?" the bartender asks.  Can't remember her name, though I've prayed for her in every sense of the word for -- Cecelia!  Cecelia?  Cece.

"Just thinking about a man I used to know who told me he was nothing more than a monkey made of porn, alcohol, and cigarettes."

"Sounds like a few fellows I know," Cece says.

I nod, "Me too.  Maybe include myself in that line up as well."

"I always figured you for a wolf, darling," sweet Cece says, and I howl... howling at the moon hours later when the only silver left is the light from Lilith's orb.  How's about you and me be the Earth's second moon; or we can be a black lunar sphere like an abstract point in space; or better still just be an asteroid making our own way across the celestial void?  How's about it?  Either way we'll have the scorpion sting ready to pump fools full of poison, and enjoy being alone together outside so-called polite society, a bunch of bores always ready with a kind way of saying, "Sir would you please leave?"

What do you say?  Ad majorem Dei gloriam... non serviam... Redemptionis sacramentum... mystery indeed... that a fellow gets home.  Glance in the mirror before going to bed, the black eye resurrecting visions of a fistfight -- doesn't matter why because I recall being the winner.  Wash the blood off broken knuckles with a grin.  Winner, winner chicken dinner!  As they used to say back in the glory days when Vegas offered nice meals for only two bucks, win a minimum bet and victory of victories, a winner could buy a chicken dinner.  Nowadays there isn't even a sack of whiskey chicken for a winner.

Never did get around to that conversation with the sun.  I guess there's always tomorrow.

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    Author

    J. Rohr enjoys making orphans feel at home in ovens and fashioning historical re-enactments out of dead pets collected from neighbors’ backyards.

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