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Blackened Lemonade

5/7/2020

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An ultra-low budget D.I.Y. animated music video for the comedy song Blackened Lemonade inspired by the saying, "When life gives you lemons, pretend it's your enemies and (anthropomorphized) troubles being sliced and ground into a bloody demise.  Then drink the juice of their suffering."  Recipe below!

Other Beerfinger music can be found at
https://beerfinger.bandcamp.com/

Lyrics:
fuck what the world has given
I see a new beginning
In the yellow
I'll be swimmin'
Lemonade!

on your knees
lemon I will squeeze
on your knees
only your juice will please

fuck this won't crawl away
Prepare to grind we juice today
Rip and tear
Into the lemony
Abyss I stare

on your knees
lemon I will squeeze
on your knees
only your juice will please

fuck the chance of a lost mind
Rip through the rind
Rather than letting go
Bloody juice I have to show

By the bag, or the barrel
Grind away
I'm going feral
on your knees
only your juice will please

pulp that fucker up
grind and fill the cup
I'll tell you when
I've had enough

Recipe:
1 and 3/4 cups sugar
1 and 1/2 cups lemon juice
8 cups water
Vodka (optional)

1.  Combine that sweet ass sugar and 1 cup of water in a small pot.  Get it boiling like the fires hell, stirring to dissolve the sugar. 

2.  After boiling a minute or two, remove from heat and let cool to room temperature.  Then refrigerate until chilled.

3.  Get the seeds out the lemon juice, they are not enjoyable to drink.  However, feel free to leave as much pulp as you prefer.  In whatever pitcher/dispenser you use, stir together chilled syrup, lemon juice, and the 7 remaining cups water (now symbolizing the seven seals of the Apocalypse).

4.  If you so choose, add vodka.  You know how much you need to feel good.

5.  Drink!
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Books & Shit: The Double O Dilemma

4/22/2020

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A while back I tried my hand at vlogging.  However, though it started out well enough, time constraints as well as personal complications made it difficult to continue with the project.  Still, from time to time a friend or an email mentions that vlog asking if I ever intended to get back to.  Well, with that in mind, Books & Shit is ready to relaunch.  

This time the incarnation will be as a podcast of sorts.  It's easier for me to edit audio than it is video.  Perhaps in the near future I'll start incorporating more video elements, but for the time being, going solely audio feels right.  Partly that's because my intention is to be something the audience can play without having to affix their eyes to the screen.  

Books & Shit is meant to provide a bit in the background while someone carries on another activity.  For instance, listen to an episode while preparing a quick dinner, then maybe casually discuss the topic with your dining companion.  The goal is to look at various media such as literature, film, music, television, etc. but to come at them from a different angle.  Consider in the previous incarnation when Books & Shit explored the idea that Kafka is a very direct writer fans and academic analysis has overcomplicated by looking for symbolism which might not be there.

In any event, this will be a recurring podcast... audio lecture... book group discussion primer... however you choose to think of it, Books & Shit is scheduled to be a regular thing here.  This latest incarnation delves a bit into the origins of James Bond and how the insertion of Ian Fleming's own personality led to the more problematic traits associated with OO7, while also considering for a moment if the character could be revised to overcome or at least acknowledge those problematic areas.  Enjoy!
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Hear the Heart of the Machine

4/6/2020

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Now available across multiple platforms, Beerfinger's  Heart of the Machine is now within your grasp.  This strange music project has been developing for several years now since the first album Uncle Stumble's Mumble Juice dropped  awhile back.  It's been funny taking a brief glimpse back to see how the sound and intention has evolved.  What started as more comical music project has a turned into a serious poetic endeavor.  And I do mean poetic.

It's become clear to me, though musical in many regards, Beerfinger is more of an audio chapbook than a straight forward music album.  Realizing that allowed me to focus on my strengths when putting together this latest installment.  However, make no mistake, the music is a critical part.  Though the lyrics can often stand on their own I think the instruments add to the whole thing.  That said, this album got way more serious than I have on any previous music project.  As such, it's my intention to take Beerfinger back to more comical territory.

Right now, I'm taking a bit of a break from music.  Three months cranking this thing together has been a wonderful but taxing ordeal.  In addition, there are numerous writing projects I want to focus on.  Still, look forward to another Beerfinger album, possibly before the end of the year (if all goes well).  Entitled Chicago Day Drinking, it will be a lighter and more comical album, akin to Uncle Stumble's.  

Meanwhile, you can get your earful of Beerfinger's Heart of the Machine at a variety of outlets, all listed below.  Spotify should have it soon, however, they won't have the full album.  In order to get that you'll have to hit up spots like iTunes, Google Play, Deezer, and Bandcamp.  

APPLE MUSIC
​https://music.apple.com/us/album/heart-of-the-machine/1505833239

BANDCAMP
https://beerfinger.bandcamp.com/album/heart-of-the-machine?fbclid=IwAR0yrbb7Td6F34Y8tqyxuGH9HNHUeqFqH-jLoQoLrlfxOB79QO_rDKQHuU0


DEEZER
https://www.deezer.com/us/album/139478142?deferredFl=1&fbclid=IwAR0HVt6uv1ru-jI8lBKDHJpMFQ1Z_wNyYvd5Sq7pwAca_NRzkEob-2WbaSs


BANDCAMP
https://play.google.com/store/music/album?id=Bpjknuouxvovvxwhhqjq3fy4bze&fbclid=IwAR1UxPCC8rC38eHEB7UoKjKwTew8gVm6SSFl8rfJRHDeBnIk618Ms3bzaUE


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BEERFINGER -- Heart of the Machine

3/17/2020

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If you follow the channel on YouTube this may seem like old news, but if not, here are some updates regarding Beerfinger's upcoming 3rd album "Heart of the Machine."  It's been eating up a lot of my time as well as my brain lately.  It should be done in a month, maybe less thanks to the quarantine.  There's nothing else to do except work.  That said, it's a labor of love regardless of how tortuous it is.  I've learned a great deal the last few years about audio engineering, and with each project, this album especially, things have gotten better to a degree I never thought possible.  I'm looking forward to sharing this album with y'all, and hope you're looking forward to hearing it.  
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Hoosier Noir (One) -- The Haunted Crave Knowing

3/1/2020

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I am fortunate enough to have been included the inaugural issue of a magnificent collection of noir, crime fiction called "Hoosier Noir."  A series of gritty mysteries centered in Indiana.  Available on Amazon, this first issue contains a variety of fantastic authors who littered gem-lines throughout every story.  Any fan of hardboiled fiction would do well to grab themselves a copy right this minute. 

My story, entitled "The Haunted Crave Knowing," is about a depressed female P.I. who gave up her last fuck a long time ago.  She's been hired to investigate a murder no one wants to solve and the case just keeps reminding our detective of the one thing she cares about, the one thing she's lost forever.  Based on a real unsolved murder, this story will have you reaching for a whiskey right quick.  

Click here to get your copy now!

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A Blood Red Reindeer Knows -- Parts 8 & 9

3/1/2020

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So, we've reached the end of the audio adaptation for "A Blood Red Reindeer Knows."  I've enjoyed this little journey.  Not only did I learn a lot along the way, but I'm confident saying the site may be going more in this direction.  Audio has always fascinated me, and dramatizations like this I think bring the stories to life in unique ways.  Plus, this is a chance to combine so many different things I enjoy doing into one form -- art, music, writing and storytelling.  

I won't lie.  Sometimes it felt like more of a pain in the taint than seemed necessary.  However, if you compare part one to part 9, you'll hear how much progress has been made.  Getting better equipment helped, certainly, but there's more to it than just having a quality mic, especially if adding music.  Yes, sound effects need improvement, though I think they'll come together in the future.  Meanwhile, I have an album to finish -- Beerfinger's "Heart of the Machine" is on the horizon -- so I'll leave to listen to the thrilling conclusion to this strange noir tale.  Thanks for listening, and enjoy!
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A Blood Red Reindeer Knows -- part 7: Under the Krampus Mark

2/17/2020

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A Blood Red Reindeer Knows -- part 6: Escape to the Worst

2/17/2020

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A Blood Red Reindeer Knows -- Part 5: Snake Eyes/Black Eyes

2/2/2020

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A Blood Red Reindeer Knows -- Part 4: Fallen Star

1/16/2020

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    Author

    J. Rohr enjoys making orphans feel at home in ovens and fashioning historical re-enactments out of dead pets collected from neighbors’ backyards.

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