Self-Annihilation

"Come my children gather round.
For I have sweets most profound.
Guaranteed to absolutely astound.
Some may even confound,
But the daring will be blessed
To be able to attest
Having got to ingest
Wonders one has never guessed."
 
I'll confess
To being curious what might manifest.
So paid the coin, and the barker ferried me within
To witness, tongue, touch, and listen
To delights beyond comprehension.
Words alone barely offer definition,
The spectacle remains, to those who've never known,
A reality that cannot be shown.
A photo might come close,
Yet like the most poetic prose
Hardly offers a sense of the aromatic,
Sensual caresses eliciting ecstatic
Cries demanding orgiastic
Pursuits of the orgasmic.
And when the hour expired
I found myself as if fired
Shot out into the street
Where reality could not meet
The ambrosial stimulation I needed,
So, unaware the hunger seeded,
I offered every penny I possessed
Until destitute, the fiend addressed
My lack of funds with a suggestion
I didn't hesitate to question.
 
He said, "Don't be nervous.
Perhaps you could work in my circus.
We always need players,
Part of the party makes you payer.
Well, enough to justify
Whatever needs you wish to satisfy."
 
Signing the parchment he produced
I instantly realized to what I'd been reduced.
So sought to drown sorrows,
And not worry until tomorrow's
Sun rise heralding my setting
I embraced this all-wetting
Psychedelic phantasmagoric
Circus of wonders euphoric
But now tainted, it grew dysphoric.
Exponentially less pleasing
Until the street dealer came teasing
 
He said, "There are layers
Each depth to answer evolving prayers,
But the price is steeper. 
Nothing better gets cheaper."
 
And so began my descent from whore
Into horror.
I took comfort in being a nightmare
Beyond compare.
Cannibal cuisine,
Sex in the latrine,
Gore beyond the mean
Set by the obscene
Mary Jane Kelly scene;
I went to the depths hoping to vanish
In the abyss, perhaps even banish
Any shred of a soul,
So have nothing to toll
My passage to Hell,
Forever hoping to dwell
In this circus infernal.
But no matter what my diurnal
Ambitions devised
I always unintentionally realized
No matter how well hid
I could not undo what I did.
Yet, perhaps I'd become demon enough
To convince the barker in manners rough
To let me go.
So I went to show
The devil I'd become,
And when he saw, he bid me welcome.
I demanded he release my soul whole,
And he started laughing out of control.
 
He said, "Dearest fool,
Let me impart a simple rule,
You should treasure as a jewel.
Before you incline
To anything asinine,
Read the contract before you sign."
 
He handed it to me then,
And reading I began to grimly comprehend.
I could quit at my choosing --
Fate within my control.
So the soul
Was always mine for the losing.
He destroyed me
Simply by allowing me to be.