The moment the tide turned can be marked on any calendar: February 29th, 1940. FDR and JFK had just captured a Japanese U-boat off the coast of Atlanta, and Air Marshal Samantha Socrates Aloysius Lee, descendant of Robert E., otherwise known as Judy Garland, had given the order to allow Greenland’s air fortress The Rum Guzzler into combat.
– What? I’m helping the boy with his history. Get back to whatever the fuck you're doing. I'm in the midst of scholarly matters, not your bullshit. Now, where was I? Oh yeah. --
The next morning there would be no Dresden. It still makes my cock fucking rock hard to think about The Rum Guzzler darkening the sky and the earth shaking as thousands of bombs create a hurricane of fire. Oops, there it is. Anyhow, the Albanians felt the best thing to do was secure the land bridge connecting South America with Africa. Finally understanding the significant strategic value of and our inability to protect said bridge, Judy Garland gave the order for it to be demolished. As such, it no longer exists, though I’ve heard it may have only been a matter of time before the whole thing fell into the sea, but I’m not saying, I’m just sayin’.
Fortunately, this got the Czar involved. Up until then he’d thought it best to play it safe, only sending his armies to guard against Chinese invasion as well as rape-murder their way through Poland, Finland, parts of Germany, and a whole shmear of Slavic nations. The thing to remember – Yes, I know what the fuck I’m saying. Stop bitching at me and just wait in the kitchen – the thing to remember is that Russians hate to see the loss of land. Just look at the size of their fucking territory, most of which they leave empty, not a fucking city for miles. And yet, they bristle at even the thought of destroying land. Of course, some people might argue, your Uncle Pete for one, being a cocksucker, that it makes no sense for the Russians to declare war on Albania when it was the good ol’ U.S. of A. that destroyed the bridge. He likes to think it was just a pretense to fuck up Albania, but anyhow, whichever is right, the Czar came charging into battle, cannons blazing.
So the war is raging. About this time Hedy Lamar figured out how to make the atomic bomb. However, the only way to deliver it at the time was C.O.D., which naturally made it difficult to ship. Yet, the threat of the bomb stalled the Mexican advance. See: they had no idea which way to invade since none of the Southern states are of enough value to stop us from nuking them off the face of the earth. This delay ultimately cost them the war. We sent the Marines into the Yucatan, set up shop in the Mayan ruins, and unleashed hell.
But it’s not all sunshine – seriously, stop poking your fucking head around the corner. I know what I’m doing Maggie. -- The particulars of time travel are hard to explain and’ll take too long. Suffice it to say the Fourth Reich did not bring weapons per say. They brought the blueprints. About six months after their arrival in Belgium, the new weapons were in the hands of soldiers and causing all kinds of trouble. Guns that can shoot four different kinds of bullets at once, a shotgun that reloads itself, grenades that rip open temporary black holes. It was a nightmare to trouble Satan himself. However, and this is a good lesson in general, technology can only do so much. Just having a good gun doesn’t make you a good soldier. And the Belgians being technically a kind of French, I think you see my point. Our side never flinched. Theirs did. Nuff said.
I guess the summation of it all is that World War the Sequel was a hellish nightmare that reshaped the very face of the Earth as well as changing the course of human history forever. Now, go write your report.
...he’s gone. You can come out now. And before you say a goddamn thing: if that kid isn’t willing to read a book then fuck him. Maybe a solid F slap to the face will wake his lazy ass up. He thinks he’s so clever, trying to get me to chat and virtually write the paper for him. Do you remember the report he wrote questioning why Nathaniel Hawthorne would cast Demi Moore? Fucking dumbass.